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State of the mind [23 Dec 2010|09:50am]

Ive never felt such a will to live
Happiness is just a state of the mind
Self respect and esteem combined
accept yourself for once in your life
Live a little and remove the knife
You don't need him to tell you to smile
Sense he left you been smiling all the while
I feel like I've been suffocating for years
And the man with the pillow is all of my fears
Keep swimming to the surface cause you've been under too long
why the fuck are you drowning, you know you're too strong
You could never be more beautiful to me
and understand that love is free
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Pressure [28 Jul 2010|10:47pm]

I can feel it building up, and I'm nothing but a toy
But you'll never see a tear fall over a boy
Practice makes perfect when you're trying to conceal
All of the hurt that you really feel
I hid the monster so far away
Far from the alter ego I portray
Yeah I know how to play the game
And who the fuck doesn't know my name?
Notorious, and if they only knew
That every rumor they've heard is true
Carrying a heavy heart on a broken back
The weight of the world can make anyone crack
Society's skins squeeze tight
During those long hopeless nights
Whats the future hold for such corrupt youth
Dripping blood screams the truth
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Sister Fire [22 Mar 2010|08:34pm]

Me and my sister were playing dress up
I was the queen and she was a fire
It’s three AM and I can’t fall asleep
I’m too impatient to get tired
And I feel like a million dollars
And I feel these passing hours
Sitting dumbly on my shoulders
Your mouth hangs open and
You must be dreaming about old age
You mumble “I could get used to this place”

I deduce in the dark
That the ghost getting restless
Is rattling chains and admonishing regret
I ask it to shut up
And light up a cigarette
I hope that the dawn waits
As I haven’t slept yet
And I am not ready
To make up the day’s rules
and tell you I love you
As you leave me for school

And I don’t have any advice
So try not to take it
Too hard that I don’t know
Where the ghosts of you goes
In my dream I was with my parents
They said:
“Don’t assume that we will always love you”
I had to smile at the brilliance
Of the fire as it burned through
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Distant [15 Mar 2010|10:40pm]

I don't even know what emotion is
Too filled up with yao and thizz
Distance makes me feel strong
Like my life isnt going all wrong
Too strong to beg, too strong to cry
Sometimes it gets dark under a starless sky
I can't see which way to run
What happened to the fucking sun
Its hard too feel the breeze so numb
Hard feel anything through the rum
I can't hear the raindrops falling
I don't care so don't bother calling
Look at the caller ID and put it down
Too busy to think about who I'm letting down
I wish I could love,but don't know how
Something my brain just cannot allow
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Real [09 Mar 2010|11:23pm]

Man, I need a cigarette
Everyday going by in a haze
All day drink and blaze
I can't deal with my life alone
I need a little something to put me in the zone
And being sober gets old so quick
Comedown hitting me like a ton of bricks
And no God can't save me now
Go center stage and take a bow
Loneliness is eating me up
Blood fills up a champagne cup
When I come down I think of you
And all the shit you put me through
So I just take another hit
For everything I'll never admit.
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In light of Mr. Woods... [13 Dec 2009|09:41am]

Everybody Cheats(...They Think)

The dangers of being caught
seem to intensify each sense,
They undress sloppily trying
to convince themselves they need to live a little.
No need to remove her bra his shirt can stay.

Fingers trace lines
along the forbidden arches of skin,
breath short and quick. Be quiet.
The kitchenette counter is sturdy,
kissing and hugging while they divert their lives for five minutes...

Reality finds them short of breath,
slumped against one another.
Their vision skewed by lust before,
can see the guilt for miles now.
They put their clothes on a million excuses a minute.
The dog has been walked and the groceries bought,
no need for farewell pleasantries see you on your knees next week.

Go home.
Kiss your child hug your wife its almost dinner time.
It gets easier to believe your not the only one,
everybody needs an escape...they think.
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Innocent Eyes [30 Jul 2009|12:57am]

I'll never stop trying, I'll never stop trying
I want to be pure, let me clean off my sins
I want to fit in society's skins
Round and round, this path is worn
Always tripping over the same thorn
Always give in, to the pressures I feel
Get ripped open after I heal
And you make me want to change

I'm giving you all I got, Giving you all I got
I'll open up my heart  for you
If you show me, you will too
But I know better then to see with blind eyes
I can see, right through your lies
But innocent eyes feel so nice
I'm willing to pay the degrading price
And I don't want to be afraid

But it still hurts, it still hurts
Feels like cold steel on my flesh
And every slice, always fresh
Keep quite and turn the lights down
In your finger prints, I start to drown
I feel so unclean when you touch me
And I just want to be set free
But its the only love I'll ever know

Its the only love I've ever known.
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MONSTRUOS, my first book [30 May 2009|04:10pm]

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Divorce [19 Mar 2009|12:04am]


I don’t think I know us anymore.

Who are we now?

You and I?



Blood spilled?

Obliteration incarnate?


Who are we now?

Blood and muscle and bone

Contained in separate packages?


Oh sure,

Parts of us combined.

Our hearts, for example.


But who are we now?

I don’t think I know us anymore.

I wonder if I ever said your name


Without thinking I could change you

Into something good for me.

Something less painful.


I don’t know who you anymore.

Who the fuck are you?

And where are we now?



From where we wanted to be,

I guess. I’m wondering


If we ever wanted to be there at all.

And if not, I suppose

We have nothing to fear now.

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it's been a while [09 Feb 2009|09:33pm]


so hello again :)
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oil painting, 2008 [30 Nov 2008|02:07pm]

painting behind cut

(hope you enjoy - thank you)

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So...you think you can write? [11 Aug 2008|06:05pm]


Join loveletters_v1
a rating community for writers
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weight of the world [26 Jul 2008|09:55pm]

Everyday I have to get out of bed and face it
There is no cure to growing older
And everyday people get colder
Every moment I need to grow up a little more
my heart and pride are getting sore

Every night I think about how things will never be
the same as they've always been
As I grow up, so does he
as we grow up, we grow apart
And I'm holding the world on my shoulders
I don't think I can take it
I'm not going to make it

Nobody is what they seem
The world is full of fakes
Ive tried so hard to make it
But I cant make it over this last wall
I'm starting to slip, another pound an Ill fall
The weight of the world, is almost to heavy
And I'm losing this fight

Yeah I have everything you want
But you have what I need
I cant do this by myself
But every time I turn around
another face fades into the background
Each one adding, another pound
My hearts getting the best of me
Its out weighing the world

I wish that I would mean to you
What you mean to me
But ill never trust anyone again
so please just let me be
Love is an idea. Not an emotion.
Hate takes over everything
And I hate it.
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whistling sexy (july 2, 2008) [03 Jul 2008|11:11am]


so whistling is sexy
dire ocean, dire sea
calmly careening
island by island
beach by beach
so whistling is sexy ...
when you do

so words unspoken are true
like the wind, like the sand
underneath our almost bound feet
struggling for thoughts
that the body give away
so easily, so enchantingly
words almost uttered
but then again they were never heard
yet so true, its so true

so the tree, so the rock
he climbed, he trudged
funny, clumsily, and uncanny
like me lying half naked
and you whistling sexy ...
at me
under the scorching march sun
friends, rocks and the boat men
all gone, all done
just you and i
left behind ...

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new story [18 Jan 2008|06:30pm]

Pablo Da Bayou (Rated R!)
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hi i'm new [12 Dec 2007|02:04pm]

(this is crossposted)

I want to give you chills.

Your room is so cold. That is the opposite of how I thought you were. If that is the case, then why is your room so cold? I have to huddle close between you and the wall to keep any sort of warmth from exiting the sheets. When our flesh touches, there is warmth, sweat even, but the second we disconnect I am hit with a rush of ice where your hand used to be, and THAT is dis-concerning. You try to sleep, but you can’t, based on the fact that I claim I see sparkles of frost on your eyelashes…your eyes twitch, almost as if you can feel them, too, we both can. You notice I’m watching you, and you probably find it flattering, but the truth of the matter is, I am only watching you in awe of the fact that you can actually have your head above covers with no protection. I'm truly amazed and strangely horrified, because the moment I peek even my forehead out, I retract back under the comforter and begin breathing heavily, trying to fill the covers with my warm breath, even though I know it will only last a second. I don't notice that one of your arms has been on the outside of the bedding either, until I feel the quick shift of your body weight, and you wrap that particular arm around me, and I'm pinned to you, so tight that I couldn't even react if I wanted to. In time, I know your arm will match our body heat, so I accept every inch of you pressing against my back. I could try to sleep, but I doubt I will fully reach it. I'm in unfamiliar territory, and knowing I have a specific time I need to leave, that will be more prominent on my mind as opposed to a comfortable sleep. I like your breathing, though. I can hear it and without realizing it, my breathing pattern starts to match yours and our chests are moving together and your arm tickles mine and I may actually start to get comfortable and I may just fall asl.......not that simple. You turn around so you're facing away from me now and I can't figure out why. Wouldn't shifting just make it colder? The idea is to get cozy and never move until you absolutely have to and then when you do, you move with me because that is how we should be..moving together. After all that has happened in this short period of time, I find it unnatural for me to even think that, so I stop, before I get myself in trouble. I'm worried though, I'm not going to lie. We've already ruined our chances, though I don't know this right now...but I'm pretty sure that because of the level we've reached in our space, in our relationship, we've reached it too soon, and you're not all there, but neither am I. I want to be, and sometimes I feel like we are, but when it comes down to it, we don't know each other, besides little things. The little things have kept me hanging on, believing that the fact that I'm even here with you now means something, when in reality, it's just a coincidence and a nice convenience. Now that you've shifted away, I start to wonder, and immediately after that thought hits my brain, you turn back towards me and you smile...it's a genuine smile, but I still think there is thoughts behind it...thoughts that you know I'm nervous and doubtful and confused and I think you just want to make me...not that way. Good luck, that's how I am. See, if we knew each other, you'd know that about me. After tonight, we are different, and I have yet to accept that, and maybe you haven't either. Maybe you're having the same doubts and thoughts and confusion that I am, I wouldn't put it past you...we're entirely too similar. Maybe you're waiting for me, even though I said I'd wait for you. How do we really know? I do know that your room is cold, and it's not because of you. It's not because of me. I've wanted to have this kind of effect on you, to the point where moving somewhere outside the boundaries of us makes you twitch and not necessarily because you know why, but because it's unfamiliar, because that's how I feel now. I think you have the ability to warm me up, but now is not the time. You're still in winter, there is time for summer, you just have to understand that and I just have to understand patience. We have the chance, you know that...but only after these feelings have melted and you can enjoy the warmth to capacity.

You're not cold, but your room is.
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Intelligent Music Critique [12 Dec 2007|02:39pm]

[ mood | jubilant ]

Hey critique makers!

If you hunger for aggressively intelligent art critique then please take a look at my weekly music review podcast. I would love any helpful criticism that this community could give me.

We review two new CD's that come out each week, give album recommendations, and update you about what's happening in music news.

I hope you take a listen! Click on the banner to get to the site!

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[12 Dec 2007|05:50pm]

New PG-13 rated story:

Mr. Johnston, Jack Dean’s next-door neighbor, had the darnedest wake up routine: at six a.m., the fifty four year old widower would cough loudly, twice. After a short intermission, a lone cough would protrude from his mouth. At six twenty, Mr. Johnston would spend five full minutes snorting, retching, and coughing. At six twenty-five, he’d open the curtains and leave the bedroom. Jack knew of this ritual because the walls that separated Mr. Johnston’s bedroom from his were paper-thin. Mr. Johnston’s wake up routine never woke Jack up; on the contrary, it accompanied Jack drifting off to sleep. Jack was an insomniac, yes, but before going there, we must first briefly discuss his addiction to cigarettes. Jack had never been a smoker in high school; he had never felt the urge to show off a sense of faux cool by doing something that could be interpreted as dangerous or rebellious. He had some experiences with soft drug, but they were conducted in the privacy of his own home when he was in his early twenties.

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[11 Dec 2007|02:47pm]


Copper etching prints. (Five large pictures.)Collapse )

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